


pillow talk

by imjustwriting_cpd



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:42:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29169792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imjustwriting_cpd/pseuds/imjustwriting_cpd
Summary: pillow talk: the intimate, authentic, unguarded conversation that occurs between two lovers
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton, Vanessa Rojas & Hailey Upton, Vanessa Rojas/Hailey Upton
Comments: 9
Kudos: 121





	pillow talk

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a quick one-shot, a continuation of 8x04, but when I started writing I couldn’t stop and Upstead kinda just took over my brain. Enjoy and let me know what you think. :)

Hailey can tell by the look on Jay’s face that he knows she’s lying, but he doesn’t call her out on it. He doesn’t say a word, just watches her with concerned eyes as he takes a long swig from his bottle of beer. 

“You staying?” 

It’s a weak attempt to change the subject, but Hailey needs them to talk about anything else other than her father at the moment. 

“If you want me to,” he says. 

“It was implied by my asking.”

Jay rolls his eyes at the way she smirks at him, but takes a step forward and braces himself against her kitchen island. 

“Then I’m staying. I may or may not already have a bag down in the truck.” 

Hailey raises a perfectly arched eyebrow at him, but he shrugs it off with a small smile. 

“I figured if I was gonna spend the night again we shouldn’t have another occurrence of me wearing the same clothes two days in a row. The team is bound to notice if they haven’t already’,” he tells her.

“Well, if they noticed they aren’t talking. Go get your bag and I’ll heat up the pizza from last night.” 

Hailey tosses him her keys and then he’s gone. She locks the door behind him, the cop in her being cautious, and gets to reheating the pizza as promised. 

While the food is warming in the oven – because leftover Bartoli’s in the microwave just doesn’t taste the same, Hailey changes out of her jeans and sweatshirt into a pair of baggy sweats and a tee. She’s just pulled her hair out of its tie when she hears the click of her front door. She steps out of her bedroom into the main room of her apartment and meets her partner in the entryway with a duffel slung over his shoulder. 

“Pizza’s in the oven. You have some time if you wanna change first,” Hailey tells him. 

Jay smiles at her and makes his way towards her. He reaches his free hand up to her face, cups her cheek in his palm, and then leans down to brush his lips against her forehead. A silent thank you. His lips are gone a moment later and he just smiles at her again with soft eyes as he steps around her. 

Hailey finds herself smiling as she watches him walk away and disappear into her bedroom. She knows he’s always been a man of action, rarely being able to voice his feelings so instead he shows her in other ways. 

Like how his eyes always find hers in the bullpen during a tough case. An unspoken question of “are you okay?” 

The way he squeezes her shoulder when no one’s looking. A gentle reminder that he’s there for her.

How he always gets her a cup of her favorite coffee when he’s getting his own before work because he knows she runs on caffeine. To show her he cares. 

Hailey realizes then as she finally makes her way back to the kitchen area, a grin still plastered on her face, that her smiling has become an almost permanent fixture since the night Jay kissed her at the bar. She lets out a sigh of contentment as the memory of that night comes back to her, and she has to bite her lip from smiling even harder as she checks the oven to find their dinner is ready. She takes the pizza out and plates a couple slices each for her and Jay before calling out to him that the food is ready. 

Hailey knows he’s heard her. Her new place isn’t small by any means, big enough for her and the company she keeps, but it’s not nearly as big as her condo was in Lincoln Park. She found herself hating the large amount of space and the sheer silence she’d return to after work, especially after Vanessa was gone. So, she sold it and found a new home, enjoying the smaller space she now resided in. 

Jay emerges from the bedroom in his own sweats and a t-shirt a moment later, and meets her at the island. He picks up their beers from the counter and follows her to the couch as she carries their plates. Hailey turns the television on and they eat in silence while they watch highlights of some hockey game from the night before. 

Once they’ve finished eating, they abandon their dishes to the coffee table, and Hailey notices how they’ve only gotten closer on her couch. They’re drawn together almost like magnets. At some point Jay’s hand had found her leg as she stretched out next to him to rest her socked feet on the table in front of them. He’s got a gentle hold on her upper thigh and her hand moves over his arm, drawing invisible patterns with her fingertips. 

They’d slept together for the first time two days ago, but somehow the awkwardness that a small part of Hailey had anticipated there being between them just doesn’t seem to exist. There is nothing, but comfortability, a sense of domesticity that surrounds them, as if they’ve been doing this dance for a lot longer than forty-eight hours.

While Hailey’s fingers continue their movement against his skin, Jay glances over at her and smiles at the look on her face. She’s still very much awake, but he can tell she’s tired by the way her eyes blink slowly. It’s been a long couple days between finding the murderer of a slain cop and dealing with the situation of her father. 

“You wanna go to bed?” He asks as he gives her leg a light squeeze. 

Hailey looks over her shoulder to peek at the clock on her stove before turning back towards him. It’s almost nine. 

“Not yet. If I sleep now I’ll be up way too early.”

Jay understands, having been there himself many times before where he didn’t know when or if sleep would come to him, and so he just nods as he squeezes her leg again. He feels her move next to him and watches as she tucks her legs under her, and then leans into his side. He moves an arm around her to pull her closer and she rests her head against the crook of his shoulder. She’s got her hand on his leg now, still needing to touch him with her fingers. A new thing that has developed since the morning they woke up together for the first time and they found themselves unable to keep their hands off of one another. 

Jay can tell she’s thinking about something, maybe too hard, as he looks down at her and notices she’s staring off and no longer paying attention to the television, but he doesn’t say anything. He just moves his hand down her arm to run his fingers over her skin, another reminder to let her know he’s there. That’s he with her. He can’t help the smug smile that creeps out on his face when he feels the tiny shiver that moves over her at the feel of his touch. 

He knows not to push her though. He learned that quickly earlier in the day when he thought he was helping her with her father. He wouldn’t soon forget the look on her face and the tears in her eyes when she’d revealed a small bit to him about her past. 

“You don’t know the half of it...”

Those words have been lingering in the back of his head since she’d spoken them and he didn’t see that changing anytime soon. He didn’t know. And that killed him, but he knew her well enough to know that she’d tell him eventually. That she trusted him enough to tell him everything about herself when she was ready. 

Jay had always felt protective over Hailey, even before they started this new thing between them. She’s his partner, his best friend, but hearing those words from her yesterday in the hallway made him feel unrelenting anger towards her father and he suddenly feels a sense of pride for the woman beside him. He’s so proud of her for not going to see the man who abused her. He may not know the details yet, but he knows enough to be able to say that Hailey doesn’t owe anyone forgiveness, and anyone who has hurt her sure as hell doesn’t deserve it. 

He feels her move against him again, turning her head deeper into his shoulder, and then she’s breathing him in and he lowers his head just a few inches to drop a kiss into her hair. He moves his other arm hanging over the back of the couch and takes hold of her hand against his leg. He squeezes her fingers in his and faintly hears her mumbling into his shirt.

“What was that?” Jay asks her, his voice low as he looks down at her. 

He feels her squeeze his fingers in return and she angles her head just enough to look him in the eyes when she speaks again. 

“I said I like this,” she says. 

Jay knows immediately what she’s referring to and he smiles at her. “I like it too.”

“It should feel weird, but it doesn’t. It’s like nothing has changed between us,” she admits and he notices the way her eyes dart between looking at him directly and looking anywhere else. 

“Some things have changed,” he says. He quirks his eyebrows at her and there’s a suggestive smirk on his face which makes her roll her eyes at his lack of subtlety, but she’s smiling now. 

They haven’t talked about what _**this**_ is between them yet. What it means or what they are or where they go from here, but the somewhat nervous look in her eyes and the way he can tell she’s biting the inside of her cheek through her smile makes him grin. She looks adorable and all he wants is to kiss her nerves away so that’s just what he does. 

He lifts his hand and weaves his fingers through her hair, holding the back of her head as he leans down and captures her lips with his own. She’s kissing him back immediately and he doesn’t miss the throaty moan that escapes her when his tongue slips past her lips to meet her own. It’s something new they’ve only just learned with one another. The way their lips move in sync with one another’s, how to make each other shiver and moan beneath the other’s touch, but it also feels as though they’ve done it a million times before now. 

When they break away, the sight of her blue eyes staring back at him and the hazy look residing in them makes his heart ache in a good way, and he smiles down at her. There’s a fleeting moment where he realizes then just how hard he’s fallen for his partner. This woman who pulled him back from his dark days and bad decisions, who was patient, but pushy. This woman who saved his life, who never stopped showing him she cared, that she was there, that she was always in his corner. This woman who he is completely in love with. 

And if it wasn’t for the fact that they’d only just fully started this thing between them mere days ago, he’d be saying those words out loud to her right there as they were pressed against each another on her couch. He holds the words in though, not wanting to make this moment between them any heavier, not wanting to freak her out even though he’s certain that she feels it too. 

He’s quickly pulled out of his thoughts when he feels her hand against his cheek, thumb brushing over his stubble and a smile spread across her face. He realizes then he’s been staring at her the whole time he’s been lost in his realization of just how deep his feelings go for her. 

“Let’s go to bed,” she tells him. 

“Thought you said you couldn’t sleep yet.”

Hailey shakes her head at him, not breaking their eye contact, and he gets it then. There is a look of something in her eyes that tells him she is nowhere near wanting to sleep anytime soon. 

“I didn’t say I wanted to sleep,” she nearly purrs at him as she voices his assumption out loud. 

Hailey pulls herself away from him and stands from the couch, ignoring the plates and bottles on her coffee table, and reaches for his hands. He stands and follows her as she walks backward towards the bedroom, pulling him with her. Her hands let go of his as they near the side of her bed, eyes never leaving his, and she reaches for the bottom of his shirt. He lets her pull it up and over him before she tosses it to the floor, and then her hands are on him. She glides them across his stomach and up his chest, before settling around the back of his neck so she can pull him down closer to her level and kiss him some more. 

There’s a guttural moan that escapes her again as Jay deepens the kiss and his hands find their way below her own shirt, his fingers ghosting over her warm skin and leaving a trail of goosebumps in their place. His hands grip her sides, fingers slipping below the band of her sweatpants for a mere second before he pushes them down and they pool to the floor at their feet. Her underwear follows a second later and Hailey kicks them off as Jay moves closer to her. His proximity forces her to take a step back, but she goes willingly. 

When Hailey feels the bed behind her, she turns and pushes Jay down to it and he pulls her with him. She falls on top of him as gracefully as she can in the heat of the moment, but Jay holds her over him easily with his hands on her hips. Hailey leans over him and then he’s squeezing the tops of her thighs, then her backside before dragging his hands up her back beneath her shirt. 

He sits up with her in his lap then, her legs on either side of him, and pulls her shirt over her head before moving his attention to her neck, needing to taste her somehow. He nips and sucks as he explores the new, but familiar skin while Hailey’s hands fumble down his chest and back up his torso to move through his short hair. She’s deliriously distracted by the feel of Jay’s lips on her, letting out a gasp when he grips her hips again, tightly, and rolls them so he’s on top now. 

Hailey nearly growls at him as he’s already taken control in the bedroom, but it’s fleeting when she realizes she still has a slight upper hand on him. She is able to push and pull at the waistbands of both his sweatpants and boxers now until they fall over his hips and he kicks them off at the foot of the bed. 

Jay presses his lips to hers as he pulls the duvet up over them. He’s leaning over, trying to keep most of his weight on one arm so he doesn’t crush her, but Hailey just pulls him flush against her. They’re pressed so close together, skin against skin. There’s no sure way to determine where either of them end or begin as legs tangle, hands roam through hair, tongues explore, and fingers travel over skin. It’s electrifying, but that familiarity they’ve come to know hangs over them. 

The last coherent thing Hailey remembers is the way Jay feels moving on top of her, how his eyes somehow find hers through the dimly lit room and is able to say so many things to her without uttering a single word. How she’s left thinking about how she is undeniably and so incredibly deep in love with this man as he takes her over the edge with him.

\---

They’re still pressed against one another, both their bodies left in a residual state of ecstasy, as they lie under the covers. Hailey’s never really been the cuddling after sex type of woman. She doesn’t like showing her vulnerable side, but as she lies in her bed with her partner beside her, she thinks it’s something she wouldn’t mind doing every day for the rest of her life as long as it’s with him. 

Jay props himself up on one elbow while she lies on her side facing him. His free hand rests over her backside above the covers, holding her close, while her fingers have gone back to drawing nonsense on his skin. All he can do is smile at her, completely amused by her, as she starts some rendition of connect the dots with the freckles splayed across his chest. 

“You enjoying yourself?” He asks. 

His soft smile turns into a teasing grin as she glances up at him and rolls her eyes at him, but her fingers don’t stop moving. 

“I am actually. So many freckles.”

“I’m glad someone appreciates them. I was teased so bad in elementary school because of ‘em,” he tells her. 

“You were probably so cute as a kid though,” she says absentmindedly, fingers still moving over his skin. 

“I like to think I’m still cute,” he counters. 

“Eh,” she says, pulling a hand back for a moment to give a back and forth gesture for good measure. 

“You’re funny,” he says, sneaking his hand up behind her under the covers to run the tips of his fingers across her rib cage. She wiggles against him, trying to hold back a laugh. 

“You’re not ticklish are ya, Hails?”

She shakes her head. “Not at all.”

“Not at all, hmmm?” He asks as he runs his fingers over her skin again and she wiggles once more before a loud laugh escapes her. 

“Ok, maybe a little. You should know that I cannot be held accountable for my actions if you don’t stop.” 

Jay knows she isn’t serious in the slightest and lets out a laugh. He stills his fingers, but keeps his hand on her hip under the covers and gives her a light squeeze.

There’s a moment silence that settles over them as Hailey’s fingers move across his chest before they stop suddenly and Jay catches her staring. His eyes follow hers, and he sees her index finger just shy of the scar below his shoulder. He watches her as she hesitates another moment before running the tip of her finger over the skin slowly, carefully, as if she’s afraid she’ll damage him somehow. 

“Does it ever hurt?” She asks him then, but her eyes don’t leave the tarnished pink skin. 

“Not anymore. Physical therapy helped with the stiffness. Now it’s just a reminder of how stupid I can be.”

Hailey shakes her head at him, her eyes finding his. 

“You can be a little reckless maybe, but you’re not stupid. You just have a big heart. It’s one of the things I like most about you,” she tells him. 

Her tone is quiet and sincere, but he recognizes a hint of sadness in her voice as she speaks and he can tell she’s thinking over something in her head. 

“I have a question,” he says a beat later. 

“Oh boy,” she groans out.

“It’s nothing bad. Just curiosity,” he assures her. 

Hailey only nods and waits for him to continue. 

“You said the other night that it’s been a long time for you since you saw me as just your partner,” he says and watches her smile at the memory. 

“I did.”

“When did it change for you?” 

Jay watches her as she takes a deep breath, no doubt the question taking her by surprise. Her fingers stop moving against him and she moves her hand down his chest to his waist. There’s virtually no space between them, but she somehow inches closer, holding him against her. He drops his elbow to lie straight on his side next to her and can’t help himself as he runs his fingers through her hair to the top of her head, needing to always be touching her now. 

Hailey takes another deep breath, trying to find the words to answer his question, and she squeezes her hand against his hip again before she lifts her eyes to his. She needs to look at him when she answers him.

“I think it was maybe after your dad died. You got shot and I found you in the street. I just lost it. I thought you were dead. I went out drinking with Adam that night, trying to wrap my head around everything. Trying to ignore everything. I needed a distraction and then, well, you know what happened after that.”

Hailey watches as his eyes grow a bit wider at her admission. She can tell he’s not upset, not angry with her. He couldn’t be. But she does see a slight look of realization in his eyes.

“I didn’t know it was that night,” he says. He’s not sure how he’d never known that detail.

Hailey swallows a large lump in her throat that she hadn’t noticed was forming during her confession. She forces it down and squeezes his side again, letting out a long sigh.

“I was a wreck Jay. He was there. A warm body to sleep next to. I didn’t think anything would come of it,” she explains. 

“I’m not judging,” he tries to assure her, looking right at her, almost through her as he notices tears in her eyes now. 

She knows she doesn’t owe him any further explanation, but she can’t stop herself or the words from pouring out of her now. 

“What happened with Adam wasn’t serious and I knew it wouldn’t be, even if it did last longer than I expected. I tried for a while to bottle it all up, push down my feelings for you. We’re partners, ya know? All I could think about was what happened with me and Garrett, with you and Erin. And then things just spiraled after that. Al died and Antonio left. Kelton was on a warpath. Then you got shot again last year and that time I really did almost lost you.”

Jay nods in understanding. He knows about Garrett, what she’s shared of her relationship with him, and he knows it destroyed her when she lost him. Jay’s own relationship with Erin ended poorly to put it lightly, and the rest were ripple effects of unforeseen circumstances and bad timing. There’s a somewhat sad, reminiscent look on Hailey’s face now as he leans his head down towards hers. He moves his hand up her body and holds the side of her face. 

“The awful things that have happened, none of that’s on you,” he tells her. He needs her to know that none of it is her fault. That he doesn’t blame her. That he never has, never could. 

“Trust me, I didn’t exactly plan on falling for another partner,” she attempts to joke. He gives her a side eye and notices a tiny twitch of a smile peek out at the corners of her mouth. 

“Yeah, you kinda came out of nowhere for me too,” he tells her.

Jay smiles sweetly at her before closing the remaining gap between them and presses his lips against hers. It’s sweet and slow, and she kisses him back just the same. 

“When did it change for you?” She finds herself asking when they finally pull away. 

“I think I was a little later to the game than you, but not by much,” he says honestly. Hailey just smiles softly at him and waits for him to go on. 

“It was that domestic case with the Alderman’s wife and that kid, Devin. I just remember seeing how it was affecting you and wanting to protect you. Be there for you. We had drinks at your place that one night, then Adam showed up. I got really jealous when I realized he had you and I didn’t.”

Her hand finds its way to the back of his head then, holding him to her for a millisecond before she kisses him just as softly as he’d done to her moments ago. It’s quick, but sincere, and she finds herself mesmerized as she stares into his green eyes when they pull away.

“He never had me, not like you. Not like this,” she whispers. 

And then he’s kissing her again. It’s the closest they’ve come to saying _**those**_ words and he tries with everything in him to say the words he wants to say out loud with his lips against hers instead. They get lost in the softness and the tenderness, and then the moment is broken by the ringing of a phone coming from her nightstand beside them. 

Jay groans against her lips as they pull away and Hailey just smiles at him, knowing they’re both thinking the same thing. That phones are not their friend when they’re in bed together. She turns in his arms and reaches for her phone that has once again broken a moment between them, but the grin on her face doesn’t go unnoticed by her partner when she looks at the screen. 

“Who is it?”

“Vanessa wants to FaceTime. I haven’t spoken to her since before New York,” she tells him. 

He nods down at the phone in her hands. “You better answer it then. A pissed off Rojas is no joke.”

Hailey’s smile widens and she kisses him once more before turning to reach for her shirt on the floor. She pulls it on quickly to cover herself, then leans back against her headboard and swipes to answer the video call. 

When she sees Vanessa’s face on the screen, the younger officer’s grin matches Hailey’s and she immediately goes into it with the blonde.

“Hi my favorite roomie! I miss you so much. I’m finally back to real life and I needed to talk to you. How are you? How’s the team? How was New York? Tell me everything! I miss you guys!”

“Hey V! I better be your favorite roomie and I miss you too! I’m good, the team is good, New York was alright. Glad to be home though. How was the case? And where are you?”

The blonde notices her friend isn’t in a hotel or a room of some kind, rather sitting against a wall in some sort of plastic chair. 

Jay smiles at the interaction between the two women that have become fast friends, smiling wider at the one beside him when he notices the look of pure happiness and contentment on her face. It’s a sight he loves to see on her so he sits back against the headboard and just watches her. 

“I should also tell you I’m not alone,” he hears Hailey tell the younger woman a few seconds later. He glances at the phone in Hailey’s hand in time to catch the curious look on Vanessa’s face. 

“I’m at the airport about to catch a flight back to Chicago. The case took me to Boston for a bit. But what do you mean you’re not alone?” Vanessa asks. 

Hailey scrunches her face, smiling sheepishly, and glances over at Jay for a moment who just smiles and nods, knowing what she’s asking.

“Well...” Hailey begins and then she turns the phone just enough for Vanessa to catch sight of a shirtless Jay sitting beside her. 

Neither of them misses the bulging eyes of the girl on the phone and they both laugh, and then Jay waves. 

“Hi Vanessa,” he says. 

“Well hello, Halstead. Fancy seeing you in Hailey’s bed and shirtless, no less,” the young woman teases with raised eyebrows. 

Jay just smiles and nods, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink that makes Hailey laugh. 

“All I have to say is it’s about damn time. What’s it been? Like a year since the hospital thing, Hails?” 

Hailey’s eyes bug out and she shoots a glare at Vanessa, but not before catching the curious look on Jay’s face. She can already see the wheels turning in his head.

And she’s right. His mind starts playing flashbacks of that day he was released from the hospital and she came to pick him up. When they had once again been interrupted by a phone and he almost screwed up again. He remembers how she had said she wanted to tell him something, but she never did. 

“Uh, yeah. It’s been a while,” Hailey says, looking back at her phone. 

“Well whatever happened, I’m glad it did. You guys are both so clueless and stubborn,” Vanessa says with a shake of her head. 

There’s a distant voice from somewhere in the background and the look on Vanessa’s face tells Hailey their time together is about to be cut short. 

“They’re starting to board. I gotta go, but as soon as I’m back we have to get together. I want _**all**_ the details my friend,” Vanessa winks through the phone. 

“Oh god,” she hears Jay scoff from beside her and she laughs again before nodding at her former roommate. 

“Be safe and text me when you land,” Hailey tells her and watches as Vanessa rolls her eyes.

“Yes _**mom**_ ,” she teases. 

“We can be lazy this weekend with some Grub Hub and Netflix, and catch up on everything,” Hailey suggests.

“Sounds good to me. I love you lots and I’ll see you soon. Bye Jay!” 

Hailey turns the phone back towards Jay and he waves again. “Bye Vanessa. Be safe.”

They disconnect a moment later and Hailey places her phone back on the nightstand before she turns to look at Jay who has a shit eating grin on his face now. 

“What?”

“That day in the hospital,” is all he says and she rolls her eyes at him. 

“You caught that huh?” 

“Damn right, I caught that. You were gonna tell me you like me,” he teases her. 

Hailey feels the heat in her cheeks almost instantly and she looks anywhere, but at his face. She tries to distract herself with the corner of the duvet that rests over them in her bed, but he reaches for one of her hands and laces his fingers through hers. She tilts her face towards him and catches his bright green eyes staring back at her, a grin still fixated on his own face. 

“I like you too,” he says with a squeeze of her hand. 

“I thought you might,” she tells him, unable to stop herself from grinning right back at him. 

There’s another moment and then he can’t stop himself when he says, “I _**really**_ like you.”

Hailey nods in silent agreement knowing exactly what he means and what he’s trying to say, but also knowing they don’t need to say _**those**_ words just yet. She knows this thing between them is real, that it’s the long-haul type of deal. She knows that even though he’s never been good with his emotions, he’s somehow good with them when it comes to her and she realizes she doesn’t need to hear the words just yet. That she wants to bask in the newness of _**them**_ for just a little while longer. 

And for a few more moments she does until the day catches up to her and she realizes what she had done earlier. How she lied to him in her kitchen and a feeling she doesn’t like creeps up inside of her. A feeling that she doesn’t want this new thing between them to start out on a lie, however minuscule and necessary it may have been hours ago when she’d done it. 

“Jay?” 

“Yeah?”

“I lied to you,” she says before she loses her nerve. 

He raises an eyebrow at her, not sure exactly what she means, and then he smirks at her to lighten the slight tension he notices has formed between them. 

“What, you don’t actually like me?” He teases. 

“No. I mean, yes. Ugh. Yes, I like you, but no, that’s not it,” she says as she takes her free hand and runs it though her hand nervously. 

“What is it?” He coaxes. The look on her face tells him they’re about to have another one of their heavy moments. 

“Um, when you first got here. I told you that my dad was good, that I talked to him, but I didn’t talk to him. I stared at him through the window of his room and then I left. I just, I couldn’t. I couldn’t do it, I - “

“You don’t need to explain yourself Hailey. Not to me,” he tells her while squeezing her fingers against his. 

“But I lied to you.” 

“I already knew you lied and I get why you did it. I knew you’d talk to me about it when you were ready.”

“How did you know that?” She asks him. 

“Because I just know you Hails.”

Jay notices the look in her eyes then, a tiny bit of confusion and as if she’s waiting for more. He feels the way her hand is almost trembling in his now and he realizes that she’s expecting him to be angry with her. It’s what she has witnessed with her parents and what she was used to seeing as a kid. It’s as if she almost expects the anger and hostility to come, but it doesn’t. It won’t. Not with Jay.

He is sure she knows he would never hurt her, but a part of him feels like he needs to remind her. Because the way she’s looking at him with tears glistening in her eyes again is making his heart constrict almost painfully. He just wants to wrap his arms around her and shield her from everything, but he knows he can’t and he knows she wouldn’t let him. 

“Can I say something?” 

Hailey can tell he’s treading carefully by the tone in his voice. He’s always careful with her, but not in an overbearing way, and at that moment she’s grateful despite the tiny part of her that is feeling nervous over the words he could say. She nods at him anyway and watches him take a quick, deep breath before he speaks again. 

“I really am sorry for yesterday when we were questioning Zach. You thought I was talking about you when we were pushing him, and maybe subconsciously I was, but it wasn’t my intention to make you feel bad about the situation.”

He pauses for a moment letting his words sink in before he squeezes her hand yet again and continues. 

“I know I don’t know the full extent of what happened to you, of what you experienced with your dad, with any of it, and I would never try to force you into saying or doing something you don’t wanna do. That you’re not ready to do. I also know that you’d kick my ass if I ever tried to boss you around like that.”

He gets her to smile like he hoped he would and then pulls his hand from hers to hold the side of her face. 

“I’ve told you before we’re good. We’ll always be good. That hasn’t changed and it’s not going to,” he tells her. 

“And one more thing? While we’re touching on this subject at least,” he adds before she can say anything. 

“What’s that?” She asks him as she sniffs back more tears. 

“I need you to hear me when I say you’re safe with me. That I wouldn’t ever...I mean, I couldn’t, God, I can’t even say the words Hailey.”

“You wouldn’t hit me you mean?” She offers. She says it so casually like it’s not something terrible to speak of.

The realness of it all and what she’s been through hits him in the gut again. It claws at his insides how someone as brave and strong and wonderful as Hailey could ever be in a situation where she doubts her worth or questions whether or not someone loves her. He’s completely dumbfounded how anyone could ever hurt her. 

“Yeah,” he chokes out and she finds herself nodding her head at him. 

“I know you wouldn’t. Still a little reassuring to hear it though, so thank- “

“Don’t say it,” he nearly pleads with her, his eyes glistening with tears of his own. He certainly hadn’t expected their night to go like this, with this conversation. 

“Say what?” She presses.

“Don’t thank me for saying I wouldn’t ever put my hands on you like that. It’s not romantic or chivalrous, Hailey. It’s the absolute bare minimum,” he tells her. 

All she can do is stare at him as the weight of his words sound in her ears and hit her hard in her chest. She always knew the bar was low, that not being an abuser wasn’t usually a checkbox on the list of qualities to have in a significant other. That it should just be a given that it wouldn’t happen. He just stares right back at her with so much care and concern and _**love**_ that it makes the tears she’s been holding in fall from her eyes. 

The only response she has for him is another slow nod of her head and then she’s kissing him again, tears be damned. She presses herself against him and pours everything she has into that one moment, like it could be their last, even though she knows it won’t be. She knows they’re going to have so many more of these moments. These kisses and admissions and gentle caresses in the middle of the night. 

Her eyes are still closed when they pull back from one another, and then she’s relishing the feel of his lips on her forehead for the second time that night. When she opens her eyes, he’s staring right at her. 

“This has been some pretty heavy pillow talk we’ve had tonight,” she says to him once they’ve settled back down into her bed under the covers. 

Jay’s arms and hands find their way around her again, needing to touch her. He smiles softly at her once more and leans over to kiss the side of her head. It’s the only response that feels right.

Hailey’s not sure how much time passes between them in silence. Sleep has started to creep up on her fast and she knows it was near eleven when she got off the phone with Vanessa. She glances up at Jay and sees his eyes are closed, but she knows he’s still awake because his fingers ghost over her skin. He drags them up and down her spine and over the dip of her lower back. It’s as if he’s trying to put her to sleep himself, but she has a sudden thought and she needs to say one more thing before she passes out beside him. 

“Hey Jay,” she calls out, just audible enough for him to hear her, but not loud enough to break the sleepy state they’re succumbing to.

“Hmmm?” She hears him moan out and then he squeezes her side in recognition as well. 

“Just for the record, I _**really**_ like you too,” she tells him. 

Jay opens his eyes at her words, the unspoken meaning of them not being lost on him, and Hailey gives him a sleepy smile. He just smiles back at her with a stupid grin that she’s come to adore, and then he nods in quiet understanding before he leans down to kiss her again because he doesn’t think he could ever stop kissing her now that’s he had her. 

The air around them thins out, the heaviness of their evening beginning to dissolve, as they kiss each other slowly for another few moments and just hold onto the other. 

As heavy as their words have been tonight, Hailey realizes their conversation over the last few hours has almost been necessary, maybe even a little overdue. It’s only been two days of this, but she’s sure they’re not moving fast. If anything, they might not have moved fast enough. After all, it did take them quite a long time to get to this moment. Three years worth of time to this moment where they’re lying in bed together, naked under covers, saying I love you to each other without actually saying the words. It just feels natural. It feels like _**them.**_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading.


End file.
